So here’s a good place to start. Things I can
confirm...
1. After three full pat down searches at three
separate airports, I know my luggage cannot..
or will not... let’s just say my luggage is innocent of all charges, as are
my boots, which through some mysterious power of god, have the ability to set
off a metal detector. These are not steel toe boots. I am beginning to suspect
that they may be steel soul boots. Which is what i’m naming
my r&b album.
2. What’s a pederass, Walter? Shut the fuck up, Donnie.
3. Yeah. I’m on an airplane over the pacific. I
think. Right, i’m on a plane over the
pacific. Probably 7 hours out of Japan. I was gonna sleep on the plane and get my schedule all straightened out
but now i can’t seem to make that make any sense.
3. Yay! Bouncy airplane!
4. Big Lebowski is playing on the window behind this
one. So I can like quote it and get girls with my superior writing.
5. Earlier today, or maybe that was yesterday now, I
tried about 10 times to reach Jon by phone. And let me tell you that MCI is a
bunch of idiots. On attempt 6 they told me “we can’t bill a call to Japan on your phone.” Keep in mind that I
have had at least one conversation with Jon, using my home phone, with no
problems.
6. Woah. My laptop says it’s Sunday, 9:44 pm. I left Indy on saturday at 6:30 am. So.. I am now in a parallel universe. A parallel universe where my writing is worse than even normal.
I apologize.
Ok.
That’s where it starts.
I arrive in japan...
Day 1 and 2 kinda combined...
So, we landed in Osaka. On the approach, the plane nearly hits a bridge, at least that’s what the
people who had window seats said. I’m sure this was all in the plan for
landing, and is of no concern to me, really. I step off the airplane, and
follow the crowd through a hallway, up some steps, and now we’re standing at a
door that appears to lead nowhere, or off some sort of cliff, but then a tram
train thing appears and we crowd on. And then off the tram, down some steps,
through some marquee (is that how you spell that?) and into a large room with a
bunch of counters. On the left it says “foreign passport” so i get in that
line. I wait in line, get to the man who will process my passport, or so I
hope. On the airplane I had to fill out a certificate of debarkation or
something along those lines. I filled every line except one saying “address in Japan”. I figured that wasn’t a problem. I figured wrong.
The man looks at my paperwork and says “what address
are you staying at? What’s the address of the hotel?” and i tell him “I am
staying with a friend in Hiroshima. I don’t know the address.” He then laughs at me and shakes his head. Not
in a mean way, but keep in mind that I’ve been freaking out for quite a while
anyway because I’m just generally paranoid and figure they’ve flown me here
just to lock me in a little room so they can yell things at me in Japanese
while I break down and cry. “Ok..” i say. and then he points across the room and says something like
“phone call counter A go to counter A”... so I get out of line and go stand at
counter A. I’m standing at counter A for what seems like 4 hours. People keep
filling in and I’m getting no help. I ask a fat homely looking woman for some
help and she tells me to keep standing there.
So I do a while and then decide to go get back into the original line.
And then the homely woman comes over and I say “I’ve got someone here waiting
for me, and I’m beginning to grow afraid that he’ll wonder where I am.”
She tells me to go back to counter A. So I stand there
while she goes to get me some help. Then a man waves me over to a doorway on
the far side of the room (the room is huge, which i failed to mention)...
“Where are you staying?” he says.
“I’m visiting a friend in Hiroshima. He’s probably at the waiting area and could give you an address if you
just find him for me”.
“What is his name?” he says. Ahh..
we’re getting somewhere. So I tell them “Jonathan
Schmitt” and he asks Jon’s job and I say “he’s an english teacher for grade
schools in Hiroshima” and he says “Do you know his birth date?” at which point i say “no”.
Ok, so now i’m a little less worried, but worried
anyway. So he goes away to look Jon up on some Japanese Supercomputer or
perhaps in drawers filled with rice. Like those grains of rice you can buy in
some american malls where someone has taken the time
to write your name in tiny letters on the rice, just to prove they can. This is
how I imagine Japan’s citizenship records. Drawers filled with these rice grains. And they
just have to dig through until they find the person they’re looking for. So
they’ve Jon’s name but I didn’t tell them which year so now they’ve got to look
through 100 drawers instead of the one labeled “1975: the year of the beaver”
or something similar.
Eventually he comes to talk to me again and says “Ok,
I’m just going to fill this out. Next time you are here you need to have this
information”
To which I say “Thank you” about 15 times and he sends
me through and I go to get my bag. Which isn’t on a carousel
at this point. In fact, there’s no carousel that says “San Francisco” on it anywhere. Great.
So I stumble around until I find a service counter,
and while standing there, I see my bag. Excellent. So
I grab it and say to a woman “I was held up”
She says Ok, and I walk to a passageway that says
“duty free” which i don’t think applies to me but the man standing there lets
me through after asking where I am going and then I step into the airport and
see Jon immediately. Excellent. I have arrived.
TRAINS AND MONEY AND CONFUSION.
At this point I’m quite glad Jon is actually at the
airport and I celebrate by going outside to smoke a cigarette, my first in
something like 15 hours. And it is a good cigarette, but almost disorients me. Disoriented in the Orient. Sounds like a title for something...
probably this.[Jon’s note: prolly could be the title
if I wasn’t here to hand-feed him and rub his feet] I didn’t freak out without
the cigarettes, which kind of surprises me. I think it’s because they force
feed you on the airplane until you fall asleep every 2 hours. Which is what I did.
We go back into the terminal, and I confuse Jon with
my travelers checks, which i immediately trade for
japanese cash. Pretty easy. Then we go back outside or
up some stairs or something and into this large area that seems to be outside
and inside all at the same time. Jon says “let me see if i can figure out this
machine” and attempts to buy us train tickets, which he does with what seems
like a small amount of confusion. But easy enough. And
then we don’t know which ticket to use at the gate, which I think is because
Jon doesn’t really know Japanese, he’s just being clever and pretending he
does. Nah.. I’m just playin’...[Jon’s
note: a smile and straight teeth can get you far in life, though]
We go down some stairs and Jon asks me what japanese words i know and so forth and i feel kinda stupid
saying them in public but whatever. Then the train shows up, but we have to
wait for a cleaning crew. To which Jon says “yeah, they have to clean the
train, even though it’s not dirty.” He’s right. The cleaning crew is two girls
in Uniforms that remind me of cub scout uniforms,
except way sexier. I know what you’re thinking... there’s nothing more sexy
than a cub scout.. and you’re
right, but in this case... Actually, they do look like cub
scout uniforms, but not sexier, and with skirts. Anyway, they clean up
the train but I didn’t really pay attention so I’ll just assume it wasn’t
anything too exciting.
We get on and put my bag up in the front of the car.
And we sit down. And we’re off. Across what I assume to be
part of an ocean or a sea or something and then through a city. I’ve got
video of this. There is no wasted space. You’ll just have to see the video,
complete with Jim O’Rourke soundtrack to cover up when I was slagging on
friends and catching up with Jon. (I love you guys, really.)
Hmm.. we got off that train
at a stop up some stairs down some stairs another cigarette a newsstand that
sells magazines of what looks like teenage girls in swimsuits and comics of
teenage girls in swimsuits and it all seems very perverted in a strange way but
I guess it’s popular because they’ve got a ton of the magazines and we’re just
on a train platform.
We wait a bit and then the bullet train arrives. Just like in pictures, it’s pretty bad ass
looking and we hop on and we’re off and it’s shooting through tunnels and
there’s really no way to gauge how fast we’re going but Jon says it’s somewhere
around 200 mph. I believe him. When the train comes out of a tunnel I notice
that it’s usually in a valley and that anywhere there is flat space is occupied
with some sort of building or graveyard of farming type lot but they’re all
occupied. I have no idea where I am. I don’t know if this section is even in
the right order. I was tired and sweaty and there’s some video from somewhere along the line as we switch
trains about 40 times it seems. Jon tells me I’m making the trip back to the
airport on my own and that scares me but he tells me I’ll be used to things by
then. Ok. I’ll try and believe him at this point.
We get to a train station, disembark, and find Jon’s
car in an alley. [Jon’s note: it wasn’t an alley, it
was a two lane road with hazards]Up to this point, looking through train
windows, I’ve told Jon it doesn’t seem like I’m really here and that everything
seems like I’m watching a video game. But now I’m off and everything is
ONTOPOFEVERYTHING. We get in the car and
look for food. We drive around a bit but can’t find anything to eat.
When you’re driving on the wrong side of the road and
you come up on other cars coming towards you it’ll freak you the fuck out the
first few minutes because every car seems to be
heading straight for you. But I got used to that, I guess. It was probably
because it was dark
and we had been on the trains for something like 3 or 4 hours.
One thing I’ve failed to point out up to this point is
how much I’ve been sweating the whole time. I’m sweating now as I type this in
Jon’s house the next day. This will be my sweat vacation,
I might as well just accept it. Ok. There, I have.
We drive until we reach a 7-11. Yup.
And we buy some sandwiches which Jon says are labeled “American Club” which I
need to get a photo of before we leave. This
sandwich has egg and chicken and bacon and whatever else on it. I just eat it.
And drink a coke, which tastes like vess cola or rc or
some other generic cola, but at least it tastes like cola. Coke’s Slogan is “No
Reason” here. Which we both find funny. “There’s no
reason to drink Coke.” Ok? [Jon’s note: there is no reason to even think about
drinking Coke]
We hop back into the car and we’re zooming down roads
and it’s exactly like a movie where there’s a car chase and you think the car
will hit every building but doesn’t. And I’m not scared one bit, really. It’s
pretty neat. Hopefully I’ll have a picture that illustrates how tight
everything is here. It’s not something I think i really realized before now.
So we end up at Jon’s. (Mysterious circumstances are
not allowing me to capture an image of the front door. Another
attempt later.) He allows me to use the shower first (put a shower room photo in here). It’s just a room,
but it works. I take the coldest shower known to man and I
feel great thanks to this menthol body shampoo. Menthol
body shampoo is odd. I need to buy a bottle to bring home so I’m not the
only one who knows the sensation.
Yup. I get out of the shower and Jon has laid out my sleeping mat and he goes
to take a shower and I lie down to wait for him and when I next wake up it’s
morning and he’s been kind enough to place my glasses somewhere I wouldn’t
break them.[Jon’s note: someone could do real good by
marrying me, but I’d decline]
DAY 2
So I awake at about 6:30 or something,
I guess. I get up and find my Coke and finish that and read “The Daily Yomiuri” which is an english
newspaper. And Jon gets up eventually and gets prepared for work while I lie
back down.
He tells me to feel free to take a walk but not to get
lost and I agree and he leaves at some point and I take a shower again and pack
up my cameras and venture out of doors.
Yikes. Everything was dark last night and now it’s not
and I’m having a huge amount of “Where the what the fuck how did I get here.”
I’m almost scared, really. So I look around (photo out
jon’s front door)and walk down a road and back to the house and a bit
down another and look down some sort of highway and come back to the house
because I’ve had enough of being freaked out already and I’ve imagined having
to interact with someone Japanese and it’s freaking me out.
It’s all part of my stupid paranoia.
I go back in, start this journal, listen to some
music, and have some toast and then Jon shows up eventually and we go get
lunch. Down what seems to be an alley but Jon assures me is a two way road,
through someone’s what seems to be driveway, down some paths between buildings
and wowie we’re at what is definitely a grocery store. Jon shows me the box
lunches we can choose from and I chose the “This looks like fried something and
this is definitely rice” special. And I buy an ice cream bar, but not the one
that said “Chicago White Sox Ice cream Bar” because Jon tells me that it’s
citrus flavor and that doesn’t appeal to me. And I get a toothbrush (photo) and some pepsi (tastes just like RC!) and some
coffee drink that tastes too much like coffee for me. Yup.
We ate lunch and Jon left. And that brings me to right now, at which point I’m
listening to Notwist, sweating alot, and typing a journal. And sort of reading
‘Dave Barry Does Japan’ which I now know is the funniest book ever written. But
that’s probably because I’m still a bit delirious.
Ok. More later...
ADVENTURES IN TOWNS WE’VE DESTROYED.
So Jon’s off work early enough and we decide to go to Hiroshima City. Hiroshima is a city, and also a state (though it’s called a Prefecture here), so Jon
doesn’t actually live in the city and we’re going there. Read that sentence
twice.
And we make our way through the “roads” and then we’re
at a train station and we put some money in a machine and get some lovely
tickets. Lovely! And we hop on a train and we’re off through the mountains
(anything larger than the mines in trenton is officially a mountain in my book) and zoom here and there and we talk
about some things but i don’t recall what at this point. [Jon’s note: neither do
I]
And after about 40 minutes (american minutes, as
opposed to japanese minutes, which are spelled differently) we are in hiroshima.[Jon’s note: nihongo de 40 minutes wa yonjyuppun de
gozaiimasu] We get off on train, hop on a trolley car, which is also a train if
you ask me, and we’re zoom through traffic and across bridged and jon tells me
about a playstation 2 game he played in which he drove the very trolley we are
on. He tells me that he couldn’t get it to move and then by the time he did
he’d missed all his stops. It must be fun, because he says it is, and anything
he tells me about Japan is automatically fact. Like when he told me earlier today that I was
eating some sort of plant root “with a texture that everyone should experience”
and I put it in my mouth and immediately began to gag. I guess Jon hasn’t heard
me puke. No. I know he has because I got too drunk on Mickey’s once in carbondale and threw up in Daniel's bathroom and anyway I don’t need to cover that
much... Anyway, don’t let anyone fool you into eating anything that looks like
a ball of dough. Ever. [jon’s
note: it’s not as bad as mike thinks, he just can’t control his gag reflex]
Eventually we disembark (without a paper telling the
authorities where we are going) and walk across a crosswalk and into the Hiroshima Peace Park (i’m sure the name is something like that.) I take a bunch of photos of
things that perhaps I’ll explain later. It’s all very pretty but it doesn’t
really make me feel anything. It just makes me take pictures. I’m doing the
museum later, so perhaps at that point I’ll have something to say on that...
After that we go to a shopping district that reminds
me of vegas because of the canopies over the street
and I realize right off that Japan contains perhaps only three types of women. First off, you’ve got your
beautiful japanese girl, of an age that
indeterminable, unless she’s wearing a schoolgirl uniform. This is the most
common form of japanese girl. I decide it would be
REALLY easy to live here. The second form of japanese
girl is the “that one’s older” japanese girl. There appears to be no middle age
people. I say something to Jon about it and he tells me that at a certain age
the girls go from looking very young to very old overnight. Although that’s a
crazy statement I fully believe him. And there’s a third type of japanese girl and that’s the “she’s either overweight or
slightly retarded” japanese girl. These are pretty rare, but you do see
them. That’s all I have to say about
that.
(Note: Jon’s girlfriend just asked me if I’m still
doing that (writing this) and I wonder if she’s asking because she wants me to
fall asleep so they can have really loud sex. It’s just the way my head works,
no apologies.)
Back to our regularly
scheduled...yeah. We stop in a guitar store so I can
compare prices and everything seems about the same as at home except they have
some wacky brands. Then down the way a bit we stop at a shop that has english phrases on shirts. We pick out some dandies (photos or text) and down a bit and Jon sees someone he
knows. We greet each other and there’s some talking and I can’t remember his
name but perhaps I’ll get it later. He seems to be scottish
or irish or i dunno. He’s having a drink with a nice japanese
girl who I’m sure understands maybe 2% of what is being said, if that.
Ok. So we’re suppose to meet
Sammy? Sammie? down the way a
bit and we do. He’s from North
Carolina? and we meet
him and back to the t-shirt shop and he buys a shirt I have already bought
(because I have great tastes, I’m sure) and then we go to an italian place and
have a bit of pizza, which is very good, and has lettuce on it, but that’s ok. and some beer and photo then
outside there’s a japanese kid with a monte carlo circa 1979 and he’s got a flat. Oki dokie. It’s
hard to describe how everything looks here but I took some video which will not even get close to detailing what
it’s like but hopefully will give you a little taste at least.
Now we get on a trolley and agree to meet sami at his place (he’s on bicycle) and we go for a while
and get off and walk across a bridge and I took some
photos to show you his view form the balcony. His apartment is small by american standards but seems to work ok here. We relax a bit
and the cool air off the river allows me to lower my active body sweat count to
somewhere around 6 or 7 gallons from its previous 21 gallons. Looking at the
photos, I appear to be some sort of alien, and I don’t know why that is. I’d
imagine I always look like that. Though I hope not.
After relaxing a bit we head to the red light district
which reminds me of new orleans except with a ton more neon. I should have taken a picture but I probably
didn’t because i was afraid of sweating through the camera. We go to a bar
called Nick’s Underground and believe me when I say it
was like a cave. We don’t order drinks but instead decide to visit Stevie’s
Wonderbar, which I am assured is cool place. Jon’s favorite. Sounds
good to me.
Stevies is playing boys2men when we arrive, and it
never sounded better. [Jon’s note: when I visit Stevie’s, it is custom for me
to request “Cool it Now” by New Edition, which is always happily served up with
a smile]There’s r&b record covers all over the
walls and it’s tiny. The shot here is taken from one corner of the room with
the camera zoomed out as far as it would go. I have a coke or pepsi, and then
we have to leave to catch the train home, which we missed, so we took an
alternate route in order to break up the waiting.
Onto the train and we’re sitting and talking about
Jon’s Statler brothers shirt (a lovely story there but I’m growing tired of
typing so it’ll have to wait) and then someone else Jon knows appears and he’s
english perhaps and I also forget his name. And he tells me I look a bit under
the weather (or something like that) and I’d have to agree, although i’m having
an unbelievable time already. We talk a bit about my impressions and about some
other things and then it’s his stop and he’s off. A nice guy, he was.
We get off at a stop in what seems to be the middle of
nowhere, but I’m starting to think anywhere that isn’t city seems like middle
of nowhere. It’s dark everywhere and quiet everywhere
we go all the time. Interesting. And then we take
various stupid modeling photos to pass the time and those turned out well enough
that I’m not embarrassed by the way I look (WHICH DOESN’T HAPPEN VERY
OFTEN).[Jon’s note: a bashful boy brownnosses into his own business bashfully]
Onto another train and we’re back to jon’s town of residence. Back into his house and he offers
me the shower first and I won’t argue that. Another cold
shower with menthol soap. I need to shave but fuck that. I get out of
the shower and start playing with this trying to transfer images (NOTE: IT
DOESN’T WORK QUITE RIGHT) and then jon’s out of the shower and his beautiful (type 1)
girlfriend arrives and I talk a bit but I’m busy playing with cameras and then
i start typing this and they go to bed (NOTE: I HEARD WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN SEX
NOISES, BUT THEY MIGHT HAVE BEEN IN THE CD HE LEFT PLAYING FOR ME) and now here
I am finishing this up. My stomach is feeling odd. Ok.[Jon's
note: um, mike, capital letters??]
Tomorrow we do Dolphin beach, which I’ll be sure to
forget to post pictures from.
Lurve,
Mike
Day 3?
Written while under the influence
Today we went to dolphin beach, and like a fool, i
decided to not bring my camera. The architecture of certain bridges and the
incredible view along the way made me realize “hey, i’m not going to be here
EVER AGAIN IN MY LIFETIME” and so i just felt like an idiot. But let’s let by
gones be by gones, eh?
Dolphin Beach was at the end of a road that ran along the Japan Inland Sea. Right along the Japan inland sea. Like if the sea were to rise about 5 feet the whole road would be
covered with water. So you’ve got sea on one side of the road, and
cliffs on the other. It’s about wide enough for one car and if you come up on a
car coming in the opposite direction, you’ve got to pull into small recesses in
the cliffs and the other car passes. It’s tight, but I don’t think I can really
convey it without pictures and of course I didn’t bring a camera so... yeah. ok.
We got to that road by traveling on a sort of
interstate through tunnels through mountains and every single tunnel has it’s own name like “big wooded mountain tunnel” and
“mountain with a bit less trees than the last tunnel” and “this mountain only
has 2 trees per square mile tunnel”. Not really like that, but you get the
idea, perhaps.
Yeah, Dolphin Beach.[Jon’s note: so beautifully
monikered due to a dolphin which wandered up from the water onto the
picturesque beach to slowly died there, so I’ve been told] A beautiful view of
mountains and although it was extremely hazy I told Motoko that I couldn’t
recall anything back home as being so beautiful. I blame my limited travel.
Anyway, after a bit,
as i laid out someone walked up and tried to kick the ball my
head was resting on. I knew it was Jon’s friend Govinda immediately because
it’s hard to confuse an englishman in the middle of a sea of japanese folk.
Eventually we all convened in the water and played a
silly game of american football in which four
completions meant touchdown and four downs meant turnover and loss of
possession. Kinda makes sense, except there were no end zones.
Anyway, Jon and I, the american all stars, took on Kochi and Govinda, the all world all stars.[Jon’s note:
according to Govinda, we were the washed-up american all stars] By the time we
had finished, the americans had won, 7-0, on a thrilling over/underwater catch
by yours truly. Yeah. rock.
Anyway, at some point I tried to tan on the beach but
now I’m sunburned more than mercury (that’s the first planet and my analogy may
be lame but it’s working for me right now...)
So eventually we left (after i had had a meal of
glazed chicken on a stick and a can of Q-oo or something like that (tastes
sorta like minute maid soda)....Oh, and Jon’s girlfriend was there the whole
time, though I dunno... I’m horrible with details, really.
Yeah. We left and went back to jon’s where i commented
on the voyeuristic features of sliding frosted glass doors and then took a
shower in the coldest water possible myself. And I got out and we attempted to
try to figure out what to do next and decided to meet jon’s
pal Koji-san and go to a restaurant where I took some pictures. It was a no
shoes, sit on the floor kinda traditional (or at least that’s how it’s pictured
in America) kinda place. We ordered five separate dishes which everyone picks from
once all the food has arrived. We had a bit of salad, some seaweed wrapped
cheese (my choice, and an excellent one at that), some sort of rice tofu thing
that I wouldn’t touch[Jon’s note: it was good, open
your MIND mike, and let the breezes flow, like tofu on the tongue] a pizza (it
wasn’t really pizza in my book. Kinda looked exactly like the Quesadials as
Taco Bell, without the chicken), and some sort of beef wrapped in eggplant
which was fried and reminded my of pot stickers. (If you’ve
had that before).
GIRL PASSES OUT
Off to “The all inclusive Rumpus Room”, and i drank a
bit too much but not so much that I’ll feel like crap tomorrow and Govinda and
I got along famously i think and for the first half i sat there confused as
everyone spoke in japanese but we turned the tables for the second half (thank
you govinda. yeah!) or no, I felt a bit embarrassed the whole time, but Motoko
asked me to talk more so I did what i felt necessary. The
end. Oh and govinda sang r&b
classics on the way back home and that was interesting and yeah. Now i sit
here.
Thoughts i wanted to remember
Thanks to motoko who is an absolute angel and put up
with at least two drunken folk speaking english while
she just looked confused. Any many apologies to her as well... I feel an
overwhelming amount of gratitude right now, but i’m sure it’ll wear off in the
morning, which is really a shame. Yeah. I have been rude....[Jon’s
note: on the contrary, my dear crony, you too have been angelic at least 55% of
the time]
Mike
Day 4.
So today we decided would be a day of rest and I’m
glad for that because I’m burnt and feeling a bit like one of those worms you
see dried up on a sidewalk. Sometimes I’m a bit stupid, and not using sunscreen
yesterday was one of those times. Idiot...
Anyway, I woke up at 8ish, called Dad
(who told me not to call) and then I went back to sleep for a bit. Then I took
a cold shower and Jon got home for lunch. So off we went through the hills on
some really great curvy roads through mountains (once again, no photos, the
camera is dead right now) and up some hills and to a restaurant that reminds me
of a grade school. Which I think it was at some point. We have a seat and Jon
orders some sort of buckwheat noodles[jon’s note:
popularly known in Japan as soba] and I agree to have the same.
As we sit there waiting a lady comes up and begins to
talk to Jon and she’s holding a camera and is apparently a reporter for a local
magazine writing about the restaurant and she wants to photograph us while we
eat. Ok. I got to watch Jon figure out my name in Japanese (Mike Ato-wooo-do)
and then the meal arrives and the photographer is saying “Cheeeese” and I smile
and she get a couple photos and I’m sure the next time I come here that
photograph will have earned me a level of popularity comparable to Ichiro.
Anyway... the noodles. Different, and not what I’d consider the greatest thing, but interesting
nonetheless and not too bad to eat. I eat about half my plate while jon finishes all of his plus the rest of mine. And the
hostess gives jon some fresh vegetables and he says
this happens everytime he goes here. And some woman speaks to me and says
“Humid” to which i shake my head in agreement. And she laughs and I’ve done my
part in bridging the gap for world peace, I think.
Yup. And then we paid and got back in the car and listened to some Minidisc
that Skate and Dwayne made for Jon (INTERESTING) and then we get back home and
I take a walk to find a cigarette vending machine. Can’t find
one that has Marlboros so I buy a pack of Mild 7 lights (Mild 7 Lights!
They’re REEEAAALLLY light! - not the real slogan) and I walk back and turn on
the television to watch what I think is some sort of comedy because it involves
a man kneeling on a mat, wearing a robe, and telling stories which people
occasionally laugh at. [Jon’s note: nobody over 65 laughs at that
guy-guaranteed]The guy on right now kinda looks like a happier Yoda. And he’s
old. And that’s the end of this section for right now. Thank you for reading.
Mike
Shopping! Ooh la la.
I’m such a girl sometimes. Anyway... last evening we decided
to head on towards a part of Hiroshima city to spend some money on things. Actually, Jon needed a haircut so he
left me at You Me Town[Jon’s note: pronounced in
Japanese as you-may-town], which is some sort of mall department store kinda
thing, to browse or spend at my will. The building was this sort of giant cube
that had four floors divided up like..
First floor - groceries and makeup and second floor
woman's hats and pet lizards and third floor house wares and Chopstick City and fourth floor - I’ve found the toys. (By the way, that account is
completely inaccurate). But the toys were on the fourth floor so I spent some
time looking at Hot Wheels (same as in America) and then remote control cars and then playstation games. I played this
game where you’re like a guy in this kind of robot costume and you walk around
and shoot the hell out of a bunch of bad guys. Very Violent.
And I would have bought it but I don’t think Japanese playstation games work on
american playstations.
NOTE: GOVERNMENT LIQUIDATION SALES
So yeah, I did that for a bit and then went outside to
wait for Jon to arrive. I drank a pocori sweat. Tastes AOK! (I’m working on
slogans for Japanese companies right now because theirs are so silly) And then
Jon showed up[Jon’s note: my haircut was AOK!] and we went for a walk down to
UNIQLO, which is like stepping into a big Gap store except everythings cheaper
and all the models in the pictures are Japanese. Anyway, I spent something like
70 bucks in there (Japanese yen don’t have decimal places. So if I hand you a
bill that reads 10000 yen, for sake of making things easy, I consider that 100
dollars. It’s actually less, but it works well enough for me.) I bought me some
shit. Yeah. Even sandals because my other pair were tearing
up my sunburned feet.
After that we walked a bit farther until we got a cd
store where I picked up the new Primal Scream album (Not out in America Yet! at
least I think so...) and then we left there and went to a place and had some
curry. Which I’ve
never had before and enjoyed quite a bit.
We then went to return some movies Jon had rented,
which were about 3 days late and ended up costing him 30000 yen.[Jon’s note: it
was actually 3000 yen, mathematically a difference of 27000 yen] He was
pissed.[true]
Then we went home, I took a shower to ease my sunburn,
and I read a bit, and did my laundry (now hanging) and then we watched Holy Man
with Eddie Murphy (in english, of course) and I fell
asleep. And I woke up today and now I’m doing this. And that’s it.
WOW THIS IS MORE WORK THAN
I HAD EXPECTED,
mike
HA! TOKYO!
This is written in retrospect...
So Jon got home from work that day, we kicked some
ideas around, and decided to take a slow train on route to tokyo, so at to see some countryside and not waste the day. About 4 or 5 or 6 O’clock, we took the car to Hongo (down the road a bit)[Jon’s
note: my walking shoes were in Hongo, land of unending cloudiness, whereas
Kochi, land of unending sunniness, is, well, always sunny] and parked and
boarded the train, with our huge ass backpacks.[Jon’s note: they weren’t that
big] And away we went..
We rode to Okayama, a pretty good sized city, and stopped off to get a bite to eat. We went
to some sort of chain restaurant named Shirokiya (the white tree house), where
we ordered 5 or so different dishes, which we shared, because that’s the way
you do it here. I got a baby fork, which is the best you can do alot of places,
because I am retarded and cannot use chop sticks (well, I can..
but just barely)... Yup.[Jon’s note: Mike is pretty
retarded with chopsticks]
Ok... so then we picked up some strippers who gave us
cocaine which we quickly snorted up and then, using the magical powers of
cocaine, we flew to tokyo on a magical dragon.
Just checking to see if you’re
paying attention. Ok. So after we ate, we ran back to
catch a train (I don’t think I’ve mentioned how much running we did, but
running, sweating, and magical cocaine dragons should be kind of implied into
everything, because they’re a reoccurring theme). So onto the train, and off
into a cartoon wonderland, filled with beautiful butterflies and and super mario they went, our two weary travelers, the end.
Sorry, I’m not sure what’s gotten into me this evening.. perhaps it was the pork, egg,
and what seemed to be apple butter sandwich I just had.
Ok.
Anyway, we took a train, and it kept getting later,
and we would stop at various... hold on.. need to get this out..
***mha 8/5/02
***program to clear my head so i can think
open ‘mikeshead’ ‘’ to head else goto 999
10 read think from head, id else goto 20
thought1 = think<1,id>
thought2 = think<2,id>
thought3 = think<3,id>
thought4 = thought2 + thought3
thought5 = thought5 + thought4
print ‘i’m thinking ‘:thought4: ‘right now’
print ‘i’m thinking ‘:thought5: ‘soon after that’
goto 10
20 print ‘i’m finished thinking, thank you’
999 print ‘the end’
exit (or is it end?)
ok.. we’d stop at various places to switch trains,
and at every stop I fully expected Jon to say “oops, we’re stuck here”. It’s
not a lack of faith in Jon, it’s just my natural pessimism, I think. Anyway,
just because I thought it, it happened.
(I should mention that at one of the stops we had one
of those great conversations about the state of the universe, women, and some
book called ‘my year of meat’)
Ok, back to the point. We got off somewhere, god knows
where, and I’d guess it was a short bit before Jon said “shit” and I knew
things were going to get interesting. We walked into town, but I was sort of a
Japanese version of New Memphis, Illinois (those of you who dont know where
that is, try finding it on the internet...good luck)[Jon’s
note: don’t bother] except with a taxi and a guy hanging out at the station,
who we eventually asked for help. He was a very nice guy and made some phone
calls but by all means it was starting to look like we were stuck there for the
night. I figured we could sleep in the station but eventually they locked that
up too. Great!
Just about that time a younger taxi driver pulled up,
and Jon explained our situation. The driver and Jon were laughing a bit and I
was pretty much confused until Jon explained that our best option was a “love
hotel” about 20 minutes away.
For those who don’t know, apparently the Japanese have
a hard time finding places to have sex, so they rent out rooms at love hotels,
where they work out their frustrations or whatever. (I wouldn’t know, I’m a
virgin and have never even seen a dirty movie)
So we decided that would be best for us and we hopped
into the cab and off we went. While Jon and the driver discussed Sammy Sosa (in
Japanese: Saamee Soe-Sa) and Chicago and whatnot and I thought about how
beautiful the children Jon and I had together would be. (Mike’s note: “awww! little Gordon has your straight teeth, Jon, and my hunched
back! He’ll be such a lady killer!”)[Jon’s note: the 20-something cabbie also
glibly mentioned how staying in the love hotel can “create grand memories”]
We get to the love motel, and there’s no one to greet
us at the door. Instead, there are pictures of all the rooms, and you push a
button under the appropriate room you would like. So we picked one with a
picture of a car on the wall. And then we lugged our luggage (what else do you
do with luggage?) up the stairs and walked into our lighted room.[they were only backpacks, not luggage]
As you can see from the pictures, it’s a pretty damn
nice room. And the shower room was huge and nice and everything looked pretty
nice and about that time, godzilla attacked tokyo and killed everyone. No. About that time, we heard the sound of rushing
air and we glanced across the room to notice a tube arriving. Like at a bank.
Inside, we were to place our money for the room, which we did, and then we
waited until our change arrived. And then we both took showers (separately) and
went to bed. [Jon’s note: Mike conveniently and unforgivably forgot to remark
on the free pornography on tv, which, needless to say,
was our staple channel]
The end. For that part.
The next day we woke up and decided we’d had enough of
the slow trains, so we walked up the endless hill and down a hill and boarded
the oldest train known to man in route to a station to find the bullet train. Which we found somewhere (watch, Jon will put it in here for me.
Maybe).[Jon’s note: we boarded the bullet train at the
former major shipbuilding town Aioi, in Hyogo prefecture. Definitely]
Yahoo! (rights reserved) We
jumped on that train (in a smoking car, even, i think) and zoomed across montana at breakneck speed, passing many indians and a few robots and this giant
panda (THEY’RE EVERYWHERE! AND THEY HAVE GIANT TEETH!!!)[Jon’s note: an abnormal number of Japanese
actually think pandas are cute, remarkably]
No. I’m being quite silly right now, so perhaps that
means I should take a break. Not that I’m going to. At this point I’ll tell you
that all the bullet trains have special cars just for smokers and that because
most of these cars aren’t reserved seating, it’s almost like you have to pay
more to NOT be in a smoking car. [Jon’s note: very almost] This is an excellent
idea that needs to be brought into production on all forms of American
transportation, and I’m writing a letter to my congressman (Congressman Hoosier
Indianapolis) when I get home. You can count on it..
Anyway, back to the point at hand. We took the bullet
train all the way to Tokyo. Or maybe somewhere else first. I’m not sure. But
the important thing is that somehow we reached Tokyo. Which means it’s time for a new section.
TOKYO, YOU SMELLY DOG YOU, GIVE ME BACK MY SHOES OR I’M
CALLING PRESIDENT BUSH
Yessir, we was just floatin’
in on the bullet train when it started raining, and that’s when we were once
again attacked by godzilla. He’s quite a menace, you know.
Ok, while most folks don’t believe that godzilla
really exists, I can confirm he does, and that he’s kept in a locker, in the
back of the bullet train, along with all the babies. And he’s 6 inches tall,
and you can’t feed him chicken after midnight, or
he gets heartburn.
I’m going to quit here because I think I’m really
funny right now, and that can be damaging to everything from my ego to the
earth’s orbit. Thank you, and goodnight.
OR NOT! because jon and his
girlfriend went to bed, and that means that I’ve got no one to comment on my
brilliance right now, and it wouldn’t be fair to cut it short here anyway...
So we got to tokyo, switched to a sort of ‘this train
loops around tokyo’ train, and made our way to Okibukaro, or something like
that, it’s on the towel I stole from the hotel.[Jon’s note: Ikebukuro] That’s a
section of Tokyo. I can’t quite remember what I thought when we got off the
train, but I’d bet it was something like “holy shit”. Lotsa
neon and signs and lotsa everything, pretty much. So we walked around in
circles until we homed in on our hotel, and there we went, and then we showered
(still separately, I’m working on it, what can I say?) and then we went out to
have a look around.
At some point Jon called Daniel’s old girlfriend from Carbondale (she lives in Tokyo) and we agreed to meet for dinner. But in between then and the time it was
now, we went to McDonald’s because I made Jon. And the fries were lovely and
I’m happy to report that apparently no McDonald’s in the world has hamburgers
that taste like anything except bread. And McDonalds’ in japan include the
McTuna salad burger or something like that.
We finished up at McDonalds and headed off in a
direction of beer. Which we found at a nice little Chinese restaurant, where we
sat outside and looked at people, until Che-A-Ko called (I can’t spell that,
Jon). [chieko]
So we moved our location to somewhere nearer the train
station so Che and her friends or sisters or whatever could find us. And after
a bit of phone conversation, they did, surprising Jon, but not me, because I
know that the Japanese are all secretly robots. They haven’t pulled the wool
over my eyes, not yet anyway.
So we talked to the three girls, Che, Tomoko, and the
other one (that’s horrible of me, but I’m really stupid) [Sawako] all three
lovely and pretty, but you should have expected that, because for one, they’re
meeting ME for dinner, and secondly, I was in Japan and couldn’t have fallen
over drunk without knocking over three or four girls worthy of a victoria’s
secrets catalog.
Before I forget to mention it, all three of the girls
spoke at least “fair” english, if not better, so I
didn’t feel like I was in a strange movie. The first thing one of them asked me
was how old I was, so I figured for sure they wanted to get to know me, if you
know what I mean... (Yeah. They didn’t)
So we went up an elevator into a nice and cozy and no
shoes restaurant, where they ordered a bunch of food and Jon and I just ordered
beer. And the conversation was quite engaging, and we taught the one girl the
word ‘dork’ (based on their question to me... “what
were you like in junior high?”) and also the words
smartass and maybe some cuss words (for your information, Daniel had already
taught her “Yo Momma”)[Jon’s note: I wrote a essay on potty-mouthism in
college, and daniel was was my main subject]
We also conversed about the lack of days off around
the holidays in the states. They were amazed that I only got one day for
Christmas. They get four. And then we talked about how I was using all my
vacation for the trip to Japan and they were also shocked by that. Apparently, they get something like 25
or 300 vacation days, but no one in Japan is smart enough to use more that 5 or
something, because they’re all crazy workaholics. Oh, they also include saturday as a regular work day. So I’d say that we got the
better end of the deal, except EVERYONE takes off those four days around
christmas, and that’d be pretty damn cool.[Jon’s note: i gotta work on x-mas
yo]
So we kept talking for a while and then it was getting
late, so we saw them off and headed back to our hotel. I’d like to point out
that I found the hotel, using my advanced “that building looks familiar”
method, and that if I’d had let Jon guide us, we’d be selling ourselves for
lettuce right now.[Jon’s note: rather, we would have been selling ourselves for
sex, cause our hotel was in the middle of a fairly raunchy “sex-trade zone”]
Shower. Bed. Wake Up. Next Day.
So now it’s Saturday and we head off to the
electronics district (Electric City, or something like that on the map)[akihabara]
because I need to find discs for the camera. And we walked around a bit and
then ate and Jon ordered me some Tofu dish, which would have been fine, except
he had the sweet and sour chicken. Bastard.
And we found the discs somewhere, and I even got a
discount for being a foreigner. I think.
And then we got back on the train and headed off to
the ultra trendy (with more hot girls! said Jon) area, and I don’t recall any
of that right now, so I’ll ask Jon to fill this part in.[Shibuya]
Oh yeah. We went shopping and bought a bunch of cool
stuff. Except I had a hard time finding a shirt because the Japanese have
shoulders slim enough that if 25 or 30 years after they were born, they desired
to crawl back into their mothers, they could do so with minimal effort.
And then back to the hotel to prepare for our night
out.
Which deserves another break
I’D LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT I’M SWEATING MORE THAN ANY
HUMAN EVER RIGHT NOW AS I TYPE THIS.
So great. I’m realizing every day, more and more, how horrible a writer i am. And yeah. See? I can’t complete a thought without saying
something like “yeah ok”. Or maybe I’m onto something here, much like a beat
poet, except a beat poet that smokes more than other beat poets, and shaves
less often.
Anyway.. the
next thing we did was jump a train and head off to somewhere (help jon) that
Jon’s little traveler guide book said was ‘underrated by many japanese’ or
something like that. Sounded ok to me.[Jon’s note: we
went to Shinjuku, a place not underrated by millions of perverts and drunken salarymen (same thing?)throughout Japan and the world; however, for those who would like more decent pleasure, the
fun can be hard to find, but when found, goodie gumdrops]
So we got there and began walking in circles for what
seemed like 40 to 50 years. And there are people on the street hawking clubs
all over, and when they see Whitey, they immediately target Whitey and say to
Whitey “Hey mon, we gotta club down here, mon” and I forgot to mention that
some of these people are from Jamaica, or Boston, or somewhere that has black people. So we got that right off the bat, and
one guy even walked us down the street to find the club he was trying to push
us into. And that made me nervous, because in the states if someone says “hey
man, follow me down this road here, even though you don’t know me” it means you
are about to be either robbed or raped by bears. Those damned rapin’ bears.
Anyway, it was safe, we saw the club, and we went to eat somewhere else, where
we got to witness the funniest people in all of japan, or at least they seemed
to thing so. I got some video, but it doesn’t really relay the thought...
Anyway, the service was horrible in that restaurant by
japan standards, but we drank pretty much so all was well.
After that, we went back downstairs and onto the
street where we met the same guy again.
“You still haven’t gone into our club?” and we said no
and then we blew him off and vowed to never walk down that street again.
About that time we decided to pretend we didn’t know english if we were targeted by these people. Which worked
fine until some guy speaking japanese english decided
to say “fuck off” to us. Which I didn’t fully understand, but Jon found
offensive, I think.
We also experienced plenty of pushing towards the
various strip or sex or whatever clubs, including a great little presentation
by a japanese guy speaking english that I found really really funny. But I
didn’t get that on video. Maybe Jon remembers some details.[jon’s
note: all I remember is he was good at lascivious moans and Marilyn Monroe poses]
So after walking in circles for approximately 17 eons,
we had grown tired of street pushers, so we ducked into ‘Mother’, a rock bar.
It was completely dark, but we got to pick our music from the selections, which
included megadeth and radiohead and aphex twin and sonic youth and talking
heads. And we did that, and the bartender was very nice and then Jon got tired
of me rocking out so we asked for directions to somewhere else, which we were
given.
So we walk to this other place and there’s a 30 or 25
dollar cover charge, but you get two free drinks with that, and we we’re only
going to be in Tokyo once, so I said “why not”
Anyway, the club was a dance club, and it was
absolutely insane, and I only got to take so many pictures before security told
me to put away my camera, but it was great and really entertaining and even i
attempted to dance in some sort of “bob marley takes sleeping pills and looses
all sense of rhythm” style, and it was good, and I now know that these clubs
are where the Japanese are training their secret army of hyper karate weirdoes.
Jon danced a bit more than me, as I really needed to hold up the wall, and when
he grew tired enough (4:30 or 5:00 am) we
caught a cab back to our hotel.
Sleep. Shower. Out.
So the next day we woke up and I discovered that my
foot was really messed up. I guess because of my bad Bob Marley dance. But we
had places to check out before we left, so we hopped a train to (? jon?)[harajuku] and locked our
stuff up in some lockers in the station and took to the street.
We walked a bit and then caught a bite to eat at Zoot!
which featured organic food, so I ordered the organic
bacon spaghetti dish. Whatever. I felt underdressed.[jon’s note: Mike was fine, everyone else was overdressed
for a rinky-dink organic foods restaraunt]
Then we walked back down the road, checked out a shoe
store, which had reeboks with “st. louis” and a picture of the arch on the soul. Small world.
Down the road a bit, the freaks O’ Tokyo had began to gather, and I took these here pictures and a bit of video of
the Japanese band “Markey Mark and the Funky Bunch”. That wasn’t their real
name, but it should have been.
Right across from where the freaks hang out, we walked
into a large park and down a road to a gigantic temple. very
serene. at this point my leg felt like it would fall
off. Anyway, here are some pictures. It was neat.
And then out of the park and back to check out a bit
of the freakshow and back onto a train to head back to Kochi Town (to make a long story short)
Bang.
When we got back home, we... I really don’t recall
what we did that night. Jon?
royal tennebaumz
That would have been sunday
night. So monday we sat around a bit and recouped and
then I asked if we could go back to UNIQLO so I could buy more shirts. But then
we decided to meet up with a bunch of english speaking folk, so we tried out
another UNIQLO in another town and then a mall and then met up with Jon’s
girlfriend and then boarded a train and then walked around and met some folks
and then ate at an italian sort of restaurant and yeah that was lovely and it
wasn’t really that eventful, to tell the truth, but our meal did include this
bit (VIDEO OF CHOPSTICK BATTLE) and I smoked. And we took a train home and I
was developing a sore throat at this time and now I’ve got some stupid summer
cold that I should know better than to have caught. Oh well.
SLEEP SHOWER SWEAT.
Now it’s tuesday and I had a bit of toast for
breakfast and Jon’s at work and Govinda is coming here to stay for a couple
days before he leaves Japan for good and I can tell Jon’s a bit sad about it,
as is Govinda, and I felt a bit weird being here in the middle of it, but not
so weird. Just a bit weird. Yes..
Back to it...
I’ve lost a day in here somewhere, so I’ll just point
out that one of these evenings we sat out on the river walls and drank some
beer for a bit. And it was good.
Somewhere along the way tuesday
I picked up a soar throat, but I blamed it on the change in cigarette brands I
made here. Turns out, that was not the case at all. We went home.
Later, Govinda showed up and we had a little going
away sort of jam session with me, jon, govinda, and wayne. We filled up about 1.5 minidiscs with songs before we petered out and I
went to sleep. It was neato.
SLEEP SHOWER SWEAT.
Wednesday I woke up with one of my horrible ‘I think I
have pneumonia’ colds, and I told Jon I might look into an earlier flight home.
We talked about it a bit and I decided it wasn’t worth the hassle. I slept
something like 16 hours overnight and then again in the afternoon before we
decided to make a trip into hiroshima to return a camera to Sami. I figured a bit of action might do me well.
Well, it did me ok, anyway. We went to Starbucks
(Staba to the japanese. Jon said they like to shorten
everything and make it cute) and gave Sami his camera back, and then we trekked
around looking for some shoes. Of course we made our way to UNIQLO, where I
bought 2 more shirts. Then
we checked the bus station to see if there were any direct routes
to the airport. There weren’t. Oh well...
We had a bite to eat and then headed back to Kochi. When we arrived at Jon’s, there were about 6 people there already,
gathered to say goodbye to Govinda. There was a lot of conversation, and Jon
taught some Japanese folk the famous american saying
“You suck” and also “I suck very much”. Twas a good time.
[jon’s note: we were playing the immortal game of
“throw the paper cup on the top of the big sake bottle basketball game” during
which I taught the ancient american art of trash-talkin’ along with the
nonexistant art of truthfulness and nobility on the court]
We then watched a video that Govinda and Jon had made,
which was very entertaining, and then we all went to bed.
SLEEP SWEAT SHOWER SWEAT.[Jon’s note: at least until
the day he dies, earthlings could have a potential new nonrenewable energy
source to exhaust by daming Mike’s pores and turning the water flow into some
energy]
So here it is, thursday
morning. Jon had taken Govinda to the airport, where a large gathering will be
there to see him off. I stayed here because I didn’t really feel like it was my
place to be there, and besides that, I wanted to see how bad my cold was.
I took a nice hot shower and cleared my head a bit,
and now I feel pretty well except that my left ear feels like it’s filled with
about a quart of water. A little ear ache. Oh well,
better than coughing your head off.[Jon’s note: 8 out
of 10 Japanese doctors prefer ear aches to coughing your head off]
This afternoon I am supposed to attend the Hiroshima A Bomb museum, and then after that we’re going to see the
Japanese Professional Baseball team the Hiroshima Carp battle the Somewhere
Tigers. Should be a good time.
FRIDAY MORNING: A RECAP
My time here the last week has read like a who’s who
of weird ass ailments.
Have you had the following?
Pnumonia like cough with lungs that
feel like they’re filled with cheese? YES
Ear Ache that goes from mild to “jesus
christ my head is about to explode”? YES
Late evening eye boogers syndrome that leads to an eye
that apparently is attempting to seal shut, possible caused by someone pouring
a cup full of sand into said eye? YES
That’s right. Todays ailment
is the eye booger syndrome, which developed at some point on the train back to Kochi Town last night. I bet I pulled a good pounds worth of little balls of eye
stickies out of there. And then had to clear it when I woke
up this morning. And now that skin under my eye feels really saggy,
almost like my eye wants to pop out. Odd.[Jon’s note: Mike has an amazing knack
at writing about his pains and disgusting habits, which, over these last few
weeks, helped me learn what cowboys were like at the saloon]
Anyway, last night or afternoon we (Jon, myself,
Damian, and Koji) made our way to Hiroshima City so I could see the A Bomb Museum and we could attend a Hiroshima Carp
game. We dragged around a bit and I
didn’t actually get the chance to see the museum, but in a way I was sort of
glad for that, because I’m quite sure it’s a huge bummer, and I’ve seen enough
on television in the states to know that I’d just come out of there feeling
guilty for something I really had no part in. I’m sure I’ll read some books on
it when I get back, because it does interest me, but yesterday wasn’t really a
good day for it. So...
After catching a meal at Subway
(SUBWAY FOR DIET IS HEALTHY ACTIVE WAY TO GET VEGETABLES FOR HEALTY LIFESTYLE. THE
AMERICAN WAY OF EATING VEGETABLES YOU SHOULD LIKE TO GET YOUR
VEGETABLES THIS WAY INSTEAD OF SUBWAY IS EASY TO EAT WHEN
YOU ARE NOT HUNGRY - apparently Subway of Japan doesn’t send their stuff to the US
for proofreading) we walked and found an ATM that actually would let me have
money, and was in english, and then we made our way through the peace park to
Hiroshima Carpoleum Stadium (that’s not the name, but it should be). I checked out some Carp jerseys, but as I
noted earlier, no one in Japan is larger than a small american woodchuck, so I
didn’t have any luck finding one that would fit me.
We bought our tickets for somewhere around 10 American dollars and made our way into the bleacher seats in right field,
which was Carp cheering section headquarters, apparently. The fans here are
rabid. Insane. For nine innings, for every Carp
batter, even though they were losing the whole time, the Hiroshima fans chanted and cheered and sat up and down all in sync based on the
actions of a few kids wearing these robes that said “Carp Club”. The kid leading the cheers was accompanied by
a drummer and a horn section. Rabid. Insane. I took a bit of video. When you watch it, keep in
mind that it was like that for NINE STRAIGHT INNINGS.[jon’s
note: I was delighted to see that one of my ex-students was a Carp club leader, screaming insanities]
A few things I realized at the game....
1. Americans are lazy. But after looking around a bit,
I realized most the people we were sitting with were younger (perhaps high
school to late 20’s) and most were unaccompanied by an adult. You wouldn’t send
your kids off to a baseball game by themselves in the states. So that’s one thing. Secondly, if young people in the states were
this organized, it’d be a scary thing.
2. The non-stop cheering helped me understand (in some
horrible and probably completely incorrect way) why we bombed Hiroshima. The people are fucking crazy. And they
just keep coming. And that was just for a baseball game. I can’t imagine
fighting them in a war. In a way, the baseball game explained
kamikaze pilots and everything else that seems so foreign and in a way, almost
scary, about the Japanese. They just don’t let up here.
3. Which explains another thing.
Everytime we rode a train, at least half of the passengers fell asleep. This is
another thing that you don’t see happen to often in the States. Would you
attempt to fall asleep on metrolink? You’d wake up with your wallet gone and
perhaps your shirt as well. Anyway, I figured everyone was just tired from
working constantly, and after attending the baseball game I picture people
running around offices like they’re on fire and shouting things and bouncing off
walls until that 5
o’clock bell rings and they shoot out the
front door of their office. Which isn’t how it is at all, I’m sure, but that’s
how I picture it.
Anyway, that was japanese
baseball. After the game we went to a restaurant called New York New York and I had coffee and we talked about Japanese girls with nappy hair (jon’s favorite, I think).
[Jon’s note: we also discussed what we thought “dark” meant in the
phrase, “tall, dark, & handsome”, followed by a intense discussion
concerning what professional sport could an average joe like you and me play
and actually not be decimated with embaressment and/or bruises. We decided we would all look the most
undermatched playing sumo. Then we all
gave each other sumo names (sumo wrestlers, like pro wrestlers back home, have
special names, although, admittedly, they aren’t as creative as “Hack saw Jim
Duggon or Koko B. Ware) ] And then we took a train home and everyone fell
asleep except me so I videoed them sleeping for a bit.
A thing to note here: I’ve messed with Koji more that
anyone I’ve ever met, and all of that in about 1 week. He started it, but I
made it much worse. All those silly grade school tricks,
like tapping a person on the opposite shoulder and then pretending you didn’t
do it, have been done. The book is exhausted. We had fun.[Jon’s
note: Mike had fun]
So it’s friday morning and
today I pack up and by my train ticket to get the hell out of here. I’m glad to
be going, because I’m tired of mysterious ailments and head colds, and I can’t wait
to have some NyQuil, which is illegal here, according to Jon.[Jon’s
note: and according to Japanese law, which I follow arduently and without
question] I’m supposed to do a bit of driving this afternoon, and Jon’s
planning on putting in a full day at work. So I’ll have a bit of time to walk
around and try to take eveything in one last time. It’s been fun. And if there
wasn’t so much more world to see, I’d come back as soon as I could. I’m not so
scared of things anymore, and I almost feel like I could handle navigating
around here if push came to shove. I guess I’ll get a test of that tomorrow
when I have to find my way to the airport.
This might be the end of the journal, unless something
interesting happens yet today, and I’m glad I took the time to type this all
out (now anyway) because I think it’ll be interesting to read when I’m much
older. I’ve had a great time here, and the two weeks have passed faster than
two weeks ever have.
I’d like to thank Jon for the amazing guideance and
for putting up with me for these two weeks. A better friend would be hard to
find. You’re great, Jon, and the most interesting and adventurous person I
know. I admire you. Always remember these words: You suck very much (teach them
to everyone you know). Thanks, man.[Jon’s note: its
always hard for me to tell this to people who show gratitude, but, you suck,
man]
I’d also like the thanks Jon’s friends here, who
always treated me like I was welcome, and never made me feel out of place, even
when they were speaking a language I couldn’t understand.
Lastly, I’d like to thank Jon’s girlfriend for an
amazing night of hot, passionate... nah... I’d like to
thank her for being very kind to me and allowing me the uses of her boyfriend
for the past two weeks. If you ask Jon he’d say that her permission wasn’t
required, but I’m sure he’ll be spending more and more time with her the next
couple months, and in no time he’ll be more whipped than nate. Hi, nate.[Jon’s note: I beg to differ]
Thanks guys.
Mike
[[[Jon’s last note: It was a pleasure to have you
mikeat, despite your incessant belching.
You are always welcome to the wherever I live, for the rest of your
life. Guaranteed.]]]
[PS: I want your computer, its
a babe magnet...]
gerber....
(mikes final note: apparently
the computer is a babe magnet for jon. for me, it sure helped me impress guys
who spoke english... “and in addition to these
cameras, here is another toy i’ve spent money on...” Which is the way it should
be. I surely didn’t buy all this crap for my own good.)